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Spoilers and profanity below.

Eleven episodes.

The first half of the finale, “Dark Water” was a lot of running around trying to be clever.  And there were some interesting bits in there. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the line given toward the end — “All the graves on planet Earth are about to give birth!”

The Dark Water concept that could have been used far more effectively, but in a way that makes sense given the reveal… but GOD DAMN IT, Moffat.

Just…. DAMN it.

This hour of show is a Douglas Adams afterlife parody without a lick of the DNA wit.  You have “Seb” dicking around with a sad-looking Danny Pink who had to die because…plot.  There’s a limp noodle attempt to put Danny and a dead civilian together in the afterlife for some reason we’re not shown (except to be a dick to Danny again).  And we had to have some kind of fire pit meltdown from Clara which ended up meaning absolutely nothing but a time sink for the rest of the episode and changed nothing with The Doctor (unless this carries over into the next episode with some kind of Chekhov’s Gun gag that calls back some of these shenanigans.) so they fly off to deal with the plot…  and FUCK me, man.

Eleven episodes this has been building up.  We know Missy picked Clara for some reason.  She was around setting up things since Eleven and The Bells of Saint John.  And the reveal at the end, wrapping up months of speculation about the Big Bad?  Jesus fecking fook, Moffat.  Just take a shit in my sneakers next time, okay?

The Master?  REALLY?

I’m sorry.  I get that you have to use the same rubber monsters over and over again and we can’t go more than a few episodes without rolling out the god-damned pepper pots again even though they make the Ferengi seem Lovecraftian by comparison.  I get why the Cybermen are back and I guess I should thank you for not making them malfunctioning Daleks or Judoon or whatever… but REALLY?!

Missy is short for Mistress and that’s The Master?  If you come back next week and the first line is “Nah, I’m just fuckin’ with ya, Doctor. I’m the god-damned Rani and I’m here to fuck up your world.” I will fly to England and kiss your corgi’s asshole.

This is a whole big, wide space-time continuum full of possibilities.  Moffat has come up with new and intriguing characters many times in this tenure.  But why the hell do we need to recycle the Master?  Why dress her up as an Evil Mary Poppins and make her interesting in her own right before stripping her down into something so dumb and predictable that even casual viewers made it their most likely guess as soon as they heard the name?

We could have had The Rani back.  She wasn’t awesome, but it would have been nice to see a regeneration of a different Time Lady.   And The Doctor didn’t ABANDON The Master, he sent him into the time lock with the other Time Lords where they likely had tea and compared stories about times Timothy Dalton yelled and spit at them.   But the Master was the one who made the sacrifice in the end, right?  He went after Rassilon and the Time Lords like a boss.  So…abandoned?  Seriously?

I was hoping it might even be Romana in a new, crazed incarnation and the product of one of The Doctor’s darker secrets.

But no.  Missy is The Master.  Yay.  Worth the wait.

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