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Michelle Gomez was amazing.  That has to be said right off with no qualifiers.


Dear U.N.I.T.:

Your enemy is basically an army of Iron Man armor suits programmed to take over the planet.  Your response was to put The Doctor (and President of the World for some reason) and your prime prisoner (The Mistress) on board an airliner to dick around in the sky while trying to figure out what to do about it.   Not a super-armored, anti-Cyberman plane with counter-measures but just a regular airliner of the type that crashes when it is fucked with by alien cyborgs with superhuman strength and flight capability.  Well played. Is this also your plan for Dalek invasion, too? Because if so there is NO scenario where the words “MAYDAY MAYDAY PLANE CRASHING ALL GOING TO DIE” are not the final ones on the flight recorder.

Bonus points for not telling The President that he is The President until you were all in the air and sitting ducks for the Cybermen.

Also, the two guards watching your prisoner?  TOTAL FUCKS.  Did they have earbuds in?  Did they not see the handcuffs appear out of DocFan42’s coat?  Did they totally space on the fact that their prisoner took OFF HER HANDCUFFS at some point while standing behind her?   Your recruiting or training needs work.

You have a protocol for running the entire planet when shit like this happens but you don’t strap a ball gag on the Doctor’s mortal enemy?  Or keep her unconscious for the duration of the crisis?  Just strap her to an appliance truck and let her chat up your coolest staff member?

Because of this you lost Osgood.  OSGOOD was AWESOME.  And Moffat had to rip off Whedon and pulverize her just to show how batshit crazy The Mistress is.  Never mind that she figured out a way to taint the rain so it not only brings centuries old corpses back to life but somehow cloaks them in cyber technology…not to mention all the bugfuck stuff about uploading souls into a disco ball and letting Cybermen marinate in Dark Water for a reason I cannot possibly understand except to make a really macabre effect.  Clearly the audience did not take a cue from this that there was some psychosis in play here.

So the big plan to take to the sky ended with all your major officers DEAD (or almost all of them except for your cunning plan to account for the UNIT Commander’s dead father to be upgraded to Cyberman but keep his free will and happen to be in the area to swoop in and save her.  GREAT for a weepy fanboy moment, but it defies all common sense.)  Also: Brigadier Ex Machina on the whole “YOU MUST MURDER ME” conundrum.  If this was all planned, UNIT, I take it all back. You’re sassier than Torchwood and twice as kooky.

Why are you in a plane?  Why aren’t you in a bunker?  Why didn’t someone set fire to the clouds?  Didn’t anyone notice the Cyberman stomping across London and into Missy’s altered version of St. Paul’s Cathedral? I thought that was all blockaded.  Your soldiers suck.   Also, I’m still not sure how you knew it was Cybermen before the Doctor or at least that you knew long enough in advance to show up with a broken, plastic 1980s Cyberman head to throw at the enemy.  Granted, it made for a pretty neat moment, but did Kate or Osgood have this in her car the whole time?  Does UNIT keep kill-trophies on hand for these kind of incidents?

This one isn’t on you, UNIT, but — in what universe would a 300 year old corpse contain enough human organic matter to build a Cyberman around?  All this is about making The Doctor kill The Mistress?  This is a chess game designed across time and space to bring about a fixed point where Clara wants to kill Missy over Danny JUST SO The Doctor has to kill her instead and make the philosophical point that he and his enemy are the same?   Seriously?

Fuckin’ Seriously?

Of course, all that assumes that Danny would walk out into traffic and die.  It would assume The Doctor would come to Hell.  It assumes a HELL of a lot.

Anyway.  Thanks for whatever you were smoking.  It was entertaining to watch.