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Here’s what I think we should do. Let’s produce a reality show that pits gun advocates against random shooters.

Hear me out on this.  It’s a game show.

Of course, this would be a controlled environment and the “ammo” would be either luminous paint balls or some kind of laser system that approximates the range and speed of the weapons involved. We’d cast extras from central casting to populate the combat area, put random armed contestants in the same area and then – at some random point in the span of 12-18 hours – let the secret shooter commence.

Maybe there’s one contestant, maybe two, maybe more!  Maybe just one shooter?  Maybe it’s a team?  Maybe a hit squad? Who knows?  Some of the armed “contestants” might actually be shooters. Some of the shaggy looking criminals might be law-abiding citizens who may or may not be armed. The shooter won’t know who’s armed. The contestants won’t know who the shooter might be. It will be a seething caldron of paranoia and vigilance. Everyone on set will know SOMETHING is going to happen at some point (which is more than anyone has in reality.)  That’s the beauty of this.  It finally puts the idea of “If only there were more guns…” to the test.

We could even recreate some of the biggest horror shows in American history to see how our armchair advocates actually would do in a combat situation. Let’s put a pistol-packin’ hero in an elementary school classroom. Let’s pack him into a nightclub with 300 people and pipe in 80 decibels of music and flashing lights. Let’s have the contestants walk a street grid at night looking for a gas station or a cell phone signal… the situation will be totally random.

Let the contestant pick his or her weapon. They have to be licensed to carry it and must conduct themselves according to the law (which will be explained up front as representative of a locality but with extra freedom that would allow the contestant to have a firearm where one is currently illegal.)  The contestant will have more freedom than the law will allow to defend people and take down the shooter(s).

The shooter’s goal is to do what shooters do. He’s a company player so he only gets “points” for each extra he hits. The computers will determine the nature of the injury.

The contestant will be free to conduct him or herself freely in the scene, talk to people, drink, dine, browse, rest, recreate…whatever. When the shooter arrives, we will see what happens.

Will the contestant be able to save the day? Will that good guy with a gun be able to handle the random situation and pull of a righteous kill? Well there be collateral damage? There’s the drama! There’s the conflict.

Survivors are incentivized with prize money. If you live, unscathed, you win prize money. If you are wounded, your additional screen time and dialogue earns you extra SAG wages (or whatever they pay reality players these days…is it cheese? Sex?) That will make for realistic panic.  Of course, they are also allowed to disarm or immobilize the shooter before the contestants can kill him.  If so, the contestant gets nothing but a chance to make a strongly worded blog post about it all.

The dead get nothing but a digital candle next to their names in the credits. That includes the contestants.

I think this is the perfect reality show for life during the Trump Administration. Thoughts?

 

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