Poor Teddy…  “Oh dear.  You’re about to kill me again, aren’t you.  Typical.”

As the series doubles-up on weird, I will lead with questions.  Feel free to post your theories below.  Spoilers!

  1. Theresa Cullen can actually smile? Jesus Christ. That scared me more than Robert Ford’s little power display for her at the Westworld Olive Garden.
  2. So Maeve was pushed back into service with a bullet in her guts. What would happen if she had her head caved in like the poor “stray” from last week?  Put a bonnet on her and hope no one notices?
  3. Aren’t there backup bodies? Given how these machines are torn up they have to have multiple backups.  How the heck are they going to fix poor Teddy now that he’s been crucified?  The show makes it seem like all the Hosts can be patched up and sent back into business but we’ve seen entire heads explode and bodies burned up.  How long does it take to re-fabricate a “totaled” Host?  (I know we’ve seen characters replaced, but Teddy gets beat to hell a lot and he’s a regular off the Sweetwater train.)
  4. If Dolores is off in another guest’s fantasy for a few days and someone gets off the train hoping to relive the homestead massacre that night, how does that work? Dolores and the Sweetwater citizens seem to be on a daily routine while the remote areas don’t reset as frequently.  How does that work if there aren’t duplicates?
  5. Are robots edible? I read that the only living things in Westworld are the flies.  I’ve seen a lot of spits over campfires.  Does that mean the animals can eat each other?  Can Newcomers?  Or do they have to bring tofu and beef jerky on their trips into the rurals?
  6. How many different time periods are we dealing with and which is “now”? Are the Hosts seeing into the future when they freak out?
  7. If all the Hosts are so closely monitored why don’t they record the glitches in Maeve and Dolores? Why don’t they know Dolores disappears from the park to have her conversations with Bernard?  Why didn’t they see the weirdo stuff happening in the Mariposa, especially when knowing this was the big “floor show” and they had to clean it up before a family with kids returned to town?  Didn’t anyone notice the voluntary knifing going on inside the office?  Some security.
  8. Security arranged for The Gunslinger’s “requested pyrotechnics” immediately without any sign of how he contacted them or made a specific request. Is he as powerful as Ford?  Can he just think requests?  How did the park know to change his cigars into explosives?  Were they just removing safety locks on them?
  9. The park web site requires guests to sign away their right to sue for damages or accidental death. I am curious how they manage to keep them safe from arrows, swords, and melee weapons.  Programming might stop a host from swinging a sword but it doesn’t stop one from pushing a newcomer into one by accident.  The accidental death of rich people would be a quick way to kill the business, lawsuits or no.

Remember when we thought Teddy was murderfied by those weird cultists?  Well, good news!  They only crucified him.  He only rates a minute or so camera time this week, but his death count is down to 4 and he gets the humiliation of having the Gunslinger point and laugh at him and let him rot in the sun.  Poor, poor Teddy.  You’ve graduated from the Kenny McCormick to the Marvin the Paranoid Android of the show.

The Hitchhiker’s Guide parallels continue with Anthony Hopkins playing his best Hannibal Lecter AS Slarthibartfarst.  Giant earth movers and an army of drones tend to his personal Olive Garden restaurant where he scares the bejebus belt out of the usually unflappable Theresa Cullen, the hard-ass corporate trope who is the unfortunate character threatening to get in the way of the mad genius.  He’s going to build the world, god damn it, and only the mice at the center of his maze will tell him what to do.

And oh, yeah, Miss “I don’t wear a bra under my office attire” Cullen, he knows you’ve been sleeping with Bernard and probably watching you guys slap flappies through his roach-mounted security cameras.  Or maybe Bernard is another Host.  Maybe you both are.  HA!  This is JJ Abrams world, so maybe you aren’t today but you will be next year so we can fill in a big-ass plot hole.    Anyway, watch him stop an army of Hosts with his brain.  Creepy, huh?  No, he hasn’t lost his mind.

The Gunslinger is indulging his Stieg Larsson fetish as he runs into the Desperado with the Snake Tattoo and convinces her she is a clue to his puzzle.  Fortunately for everyone he doesn’t skin this one.  He just goes through a side quest for the right to ask her about it.  I guess it was a lot more fun than just torturing her like he did Lawrence.

What else happens?  A lot, but it all could mean a number of different things.  Bernard is moving Dolores toward sentience which Ford probably already knows about if he isn’t the one driving it.  Dolores is skipping town to hang with William and Logan in another timeline (I think) and they are going after a super special murderdeathkill adventure together.  It may or may now have something to do with the maze.

Dolores seems to be living in a number of different times simultaneously and talking to herself throughout.  It’s difficult to keep the timelines straight.  If this is just one timeline I need a fucking exorcist.

So now thoroughly confused, I await answers next week.  What do you think is going on ?

*No.  There aren’t.  Just fucking with you.